2009 is here!!!

Oh bloody hell. Everytime when a year ends with a number 9, I'll know that I have leaped a decade. And god knows that I've not yet enjoyed my teenage life fully! But life's brief candle, and I'm now a 20, folks!!!!

20= getting older
20= getting fatter ( Girls's body condition start to decline at the age of 18, moreover to say 20!!!)
20= getting older and older and I can't find another reason

Haha!!! But fret not, I actually kinda look upon writing a whole new way of my age. Instead of 1, I will write 2 now!

20= maturity
20= girls' golden age
20= freedom??? ( I bet so =/ )
20= Lots of love in life!!!

Seriously, I am REALLY thinking in a postive way to this very new year. A year of the start of my 20th decade.

But don't you guys have the same feeling? Everytime you step into a new year or age, you don't seem to feel like you're one. I can't feel that I'm 20 right now ( deny the fact that I'm fat and lazy since born!!!), like I thought that I'm thinking in a mature way, but actually I'm not so afterall.

I will still laugh like a 5 year old ( innocent), or cackle like a 16 ( rebellious).

Or cried as loud as I could like a 3 year old, or weep quietly in the attic like I just lost my first love or the day when dad hit me, just like a 12.

And so, seriously ( again I am addicted to this word), I will only realise I am really 20 after half a year passes by, or even when 21 is reaching. There is always an inner child within, I will still need love like a 3 year old, I will still need encouragement and attention like a 12 year old, but I will learn to be mature like a 20 year old.

=) Life's so cool ya!

I've also found myself a good motto for this year. Every year I will find an inspiring one. For this year, I will always think that: ERNEST CULTIVATION YIELDS FRUITFUL HARVEST. Yalah I know it sounds so ah pek and over noble but I don't know why I just feel intelligent with this quote along. The words here seem so hard to me, but in Chinese it's an easy-to-understand idiom yet so hard to achieve. Yet yet yet, I believe I will learn more about it this very year.

For New Year's eve, I've decided to stay at home. I'm really addicted to my new home and room and sofa. I don't know why but I just love it. Maybe it's been so long since my family and I had had a proper house which I can call it a home. We're trying to be clean but I just love how the messy room makes a real big deal of the whole warming feeling for me.

I decided to finish practising the new piece called ' The Swan'. I've been hitting the piano for a few days and I told myself I got to finish it by tonight, so that I can called Jeffrey and played for him. This new year's eve I've been practically practising this piece over and over again for 4 hours.

I was so eager to call Jeff so that he could listen to the song I played. It's been so long since I've played a song to him.

But when I called at that split of second, crossing 2008 and 2009, damnitstupidkenasaiwahlaowehtakbolehtahanthe phone connection was lousy, and Jeff's was a bit drunk at the other side. =(

I played as melodious as I could. But I was too nervous and there's a lot of mistakes, sudden crescendos and shivering. PLUS the line just cut off when I was going to finish the song! damnitstupidkenasaiwahlaowehtakbolehtahan!

Zen my younger brother came into listen, but the elder brother Coco was yelling for him upstairs and he dashed away, right before I finished playing again.

So... sad to say... my new year first wish is kinda unfulfiled. To play the song to someone I love. Gosh what a stupid wish I've made. So far for all the practising. But I knew that Jeff and Zen were trying their best to listen to me =)

Well.... to think of another way, I've been playing the song for myself for umpteen times! I myself is someone I love! I felt so happy when I realised that!

At the end of the night, I wrote down two inspiring paragraphs into my diary. And I hope to share with you here.

Life isn't about keeping score. It's not about how many people call you and it's not about who you've dated, are dating or haven't dated at all. It isn't about who you've kissed, what sports you play, or which guy or girl likes you. It's not about your shoes of your hair or the color of your skin of where you live or go to school. In fact, it's not about grades, money, clothes, or colleges that accept you or not. Life isn't about if you have lots of friends, or if you are alone, and it's not about how accepted or unaccepted you are. Life just isn't about that.

But life is about who you love and who you hurt. It's about how you feel about yourself. It's about trust, happiness and compassion. It's about sticking up for your friends and replacing inner hate with love. Life is about avoiding jealousy, overcoming ignorance and building confidence. It's about what you say and what you mean. It's about seeing people for who they are and not what they have. Most of all, it is about choosing to use your life to touch someone else's in a way that could never have been achieved otherwise. These choices are what life's about.

- Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul

If you've read all the bossy words I've written here, please tag me. I wanna say thank you for listening to me, at this very start of the new year.


And of course... Happy new year...